On Marriage.

The post below is satire and supposed to funny. But there is an underlying truth to it and meaning that I want to bring out without offending people. Hope you like it.

With over 4 years of preparation drawing to its fitting conclusion, it was quite a sight to see my sister walk into uncharted territory. I got to witness the great Indian wedding from one of the best perspectives possible to observe it from. Perhaps, a better perspective could only achieved by actually getting married and despite some of my relatives pledging to find me a “good girl” looking at my supposed good looks, I am quite content with the role of an observer for now.

Either ways, on with the show .. If you ever thought that our society was based equality of both the genders, try seeing the difference you would have between being on the girls side as opposed to the guys side. One, seems like a stroll in the park while the other seems like a walk to gates of hell where the slightest slip would send one lashing to the fires of hell. Yes, perhaps I do not paint an accurate picture and exaggerate but being on the receiving end of it does make it seem like that.

First off, the brides and the bridegrooms have to face a double edged knife. No work could ever be penned on to them. Conveniently the pressure that one has to endure to go through such an important moment is enough for it to be stated as an excuse. Emotional pressure is too much as such and hence physical work must not be assigned to them. Indeed, all close to the bridegroom and especially the bride would unanimously agree that almost no blame can be put on the bride, and one must take one of the team to ensure the bride is in her best spirits for the wedding.

Given the strong statement made above it would seem that one should gladly trade places with them. However, having looked at one wedding ceremony and 3 receptions, there are things that the bride and bridegroom have going against them. First and foremost, if you are not a photogenic person, getting married is certainly not for you. The amount of photos taken in a Indian wedding would easily total greater than all the photos that ever existed of you in your life. In fact, I would theorize that the photo business in India does business and blooms only because of Indian weddings. God, the number of photos that are taken are absolutely astounding. Every single guest wants a wedding picture with the bride and the groom. Its almost like they would be summoned to court to prove that they did attend the wedding and the photo was their primary source of evidence. Apart from that, every single move that the to-wed couple make should be photographed. Groom feeding bride ? Take a photo .. Groom and bride smiling ? Take a photo .. Groom and bride receiving people ? Take a photo .. Groom and bride sneezing ? Take a photo .. Groom and bride saying “bless you” after sneezing ? Take a photo .. you see where I am going with this right ? Yet, to top this all, there is videographer present right there. You would think that with the number of photos taken, there would be no need to take a video but I assume that it would make better evidence in the hypothetical courtroom that all the invitees are summoned to, to prove their attendance. Weddings could be aptly termed  as “Hey, feel like a celebrity who is being stalked by paparazzi for one day”

That being said, photos been taken of you is ok. Forcing yourself to smile for each and every photo is a torture of another level. If you think you could not smile in some of the photos, you are mistaken. The photographer present there is eager to show that he could easily transition into shooting in bollywood or Hollywood: He wouldn't not make you not smile on even a single photo. My poor sister and her husband had to go through a one hour photo session so that the album could come out well. This was after the reception which last over 4 hours and they had to meet each of the 1000 guests that had turned up for the day. The photographer took a bit to many photos from many different angles and positions. I was pretty sure that at one point he was making them do some yoga postures (this might not be true but it certainly did seem like that to the innocent bystanders who were waiting for them to get done so that they could have dinner after working like dogs to make sure the reception went well.)

Moving on, it is said that humans, through hundreds of thousand of years of evolution have developed an innate ability to detect and recognize faces. This ability however stands the test of time at a wedding. A million relatives meeting you in a short span of time and it is your bounded duty to remember them and say a line or two that is relevant and specific to them. If you ever think that you can get away from a situation where you don't remember someone, you clearly haven't been where I have been. Most relatives ask the simple question of  “do you know who I am” and you cant just say yes and walk away, it makes things very awkward (trust me, I tried it). The only appropriate response is to say who they are or engage in small talk that proves to them that you know who they are. If that sounds simple, its because there is more to it: There are a certain percentage of your relatives who you have only met once before in your life. That too when you were really small. So they understand that you don't know who they are. Yet, they hope that you by some miracle know who they are. If you don't, then they are cool with that. However, if you do the same with relatives that you have met anytime in the last 10 years, then you better know who they are, who their sons and daughters are, their ages, their blood groups and even their favorite color and number.  It is best to have an older person beside you who can get you out of such sticky situations. For me, its my mother. Jai Mata Di. :)

All that being said, weddings are a fun event where you get to see all of your family and spend quality time with them. That coupled with the good food that you get to eat does do justice to the whole event. Indian wedding are one of the pillars of our society and even though you can love or hate it, there is not denying that weddings do mark a big event. It is something that would be attended by even your great grandfather's cousins' grandson. Such is India, such is the pride (or, price) of being Indian.